I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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