He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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