id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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