also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
