One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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