He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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