I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
