Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
