is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
