she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
