Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Fuck appropriateness.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
