You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
