I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
honey bunches of taint.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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