i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
