If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
