glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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