Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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