Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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