we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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