You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
