over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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