On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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