Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
