I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
