Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
