Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
