soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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