Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
