This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You dont lie about slip and slides
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
