i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
