WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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