when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
