That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
