Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
