I hate all girls vehemently.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
