After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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