I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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