There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
