I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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