Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
