I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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