If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I didn't notice because vodka
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
