Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
try to milk me bitch
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
