I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
