I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
