I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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