Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
