just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
