I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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