party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
